Some people really don't get it

Seriously over the past few days, I have tried to call my mom and she has blown me off every time. I am 30 years old and I still crave attention from my mom. I am lonely, bored and I miss my family. I tried to call her for the THIRD time tonight and she was so absorbed with facebook that she didn't even know what I was talking about on the phone. So I said "evidently facebook is more important than me so I'll let you go". She said "what? OK, love you" to which I sarcastically responded "doubtful" because I knew she wasn't listening. So I change my status update to "feeling misplaced" and she comments on it, like, "Oh do you miss you family". Sometimes I want to take that wine that she practically sips with a nipple on it and smack her upside the head with it. Thanks for ignoring me, mom. AGAIN.

Everybody needs a good role model

My husband didn't have one. His father was and is abusive. Jude never had an example of how to treat a woman. His mother is seen and not heard. She walks with her head down, she flinches and cowers at a fly. I asked him last night if that's how he wanted our daughters growing up. Afraid of their dad, and disrespectful of their mother because that's how he treats me half of the time. He doesn't know how to show affection. His idea of saying "I love you" is to get my oil changed, or fix something that's broke. He has no concept of needing to be held, or to wipe someone's tears or kiss away pain. How would he know? Until he met me, he was never shown affection either.No hugs. No kissed owies. No "I'm proud of you". No words of affirmation at all.  It rips me heart out that he shakes hands with his father, and when he tells his mom "I love you" she looks away. His heart needs to be softened and remolded.

Humph

So I was supposed to go see my diabetic educator this morning. I didn't wanna go. I hate driving across town for a 15 minute appointment. I ended up oversleeping anyway. I never sleep through alarms or phone calls but this morning I did both. I missed a call from my mom. Her grandma (my great and Lucy and  Lizzy's GREAT GREAT) passed away early this morning. She was 96 and AMAZING! She came from Oregon to California on a Covered Wagon when she was a child. Seriously amazing. I will miss her. I last  saw her in June for her birthday. She enjoyed pink champagne birthday cake and a bottle of beer with a twisty straw. <3 Love you Grandma "Ra-Ra".

Go F-yourself

I am the worst wife in the world. My body is falling apart. Apparently it's harder on your body to have a baby in your 30's rather your mid 20's; or at least is is for this mama. My hands and fingers are now numb, and my elbows feel like I permanently hit my funny bone. My vag and bum are so full of varicose veins that I can't go #2 without filling the bowl with blood and it hurts so bad. I take extra fiber and stool softeners and it's still excruciating.

So this morning I wake up, go pee and chug 20 ounces of water because I woke up super thirsty. I return to the bedroom, our daughter wakes up and asks me to turn on a cartoon, so I oblige, and take her out to the living room. I again return to my bedroom to find Jude watching buxom blondes naked parade or some stupid shit on his laptop. At this point, I don't even care. Instead of climbing back in to bed, I grab my phone off the charger and pretend I don't know what he's up to. As I am shuffling away (I can't really pick my feet off the floor because it hurts my butt) he says "this is your job you know". I tell him that I'm not trying to be mean but I am in excruciating pain, and I can't even take a poo and was gonna go soak in the tub so I could relax and MAYBE  I could help him out later. He has no sympathy. He never asks what he can do for me. His response? "Your mouth still works". What a DICK.

If I could only make it happen.

I think all men with expecting significant others need some way of experiencing pregnancy for at least 24 hours. Strap on a fake belly that weighs 30 pounds, take some unisom so you feel fatigued, and some ipecac so you can experience throwing up. Throw in something that makes you constipated and gives your hemorrhoids and they will be set.

My husband has been unbearable. I am probably going to have surgery to remove these walnut sized blisters from my bum-hole. I can barely walk, can't sit on my bum, can't bend over, etc. He threw an absolute shit fit on Saturday because I asked him to get out of bed (At noon mind you) to help me get things picked up because I was having some friends over for a small baby shower. Princess (as I so affectionately call him) got off work at 11PM, and drove 15 miles to the casino, and neglected to come home until 2:45 AM. I called him at 1am and asked him to come home and he said he was on his way. Almost 2 hours later he shows up said he "ran out of gas". And miraculously his phone died (even though he has a car charger). I was pissed. Of course I couldn't sleep until I knew he was home and safe. I got up at 7am with our daughter and I was exhausted. I made home made chili, cornbread and cookies and he slept away. So at noon when I told him to get up, he was a bear to say the least. He was yelling, threatened to throw my chili  away and told me to call all my friends and cancel the party. I was devastated. He eventually got over it but did I get an apology? NOPE. When am I ever going to be treated like I should? What happened to the guy I met 12 years ago? When can I rest and have someone take care of me for once?